Is Too Much Sleep and Exercise Ruining Your Relationship?
Please hold the phone! How can getting too much sleep and exercise be bad? After all, every medical professional spends an inordinate amount of time extolling the virtues of both, right? While it is absolutely true that we need to get a good night's sleep and spend more time exercising than "Netflix and chilling," it turns out that having too much of a good thing can be detrimental to our relationships. Continue reading to find out why!
Let's start with the "who" of the theory, then move on to the "why." After all, anyone who makes such a bold claim should be prepared to back it up with a lot of science, right? Penn State, one of the country's most prestigious universities, is the "who." A team of researchers led by Mark Feinberg, a professor at the Edna Bennet Pierce Prevention Research Center, in particular. If the name doesn't give it away, the center is focused on preventative medicine, particularly as it relates to children and families. Essentially, they are leading authorities on what NOT to do if you want a happy and healthy family.
The Penn State study looked at how various aspects of people's lives affected families, with a focus on new parents. They looked into everything from each parent's physical activity to how much sleep they got each night. What they discovered was nothing short of amazing.
While adequate sleep and exercise were linked to "improved personal well-being, a better couple relationship, and greater closeness with their baby," too much of either was problematic. Relationships suffer when dads sleep too much or moms spend too much time working out.
Why Do Sleep and Exercise Have a Negative Impact on Relationships?
The “long and short of it” is that fathers who slept more than the average amount reported “lower overall well-being and less closeness with their partner and child.” At the same time, couples were more likely to argue on days when mom spent more time working out.
On both counts, ironically, the opposite is true. When mom slept more than usual, she reported a higher sense of well-being, and when dad worked out more than usual, there was a lower likelihood of arguments erupting.
So, what's the deal with the double standard? It has a lot to do with how we view the roles of mothers and fathers. Despite years of efforts to dispel outdated stereotypes, mothers continue to be viewed as the primary caregivers in the family. When mom devotes more time to her own needs (such as working out), dad becomes resentful, which leads to arguments. According to Feinberg, “it is also possible that the extra time spent with the child is stressful for fathers, leading fathers to be more irritable on such days and leading to more arguments with the partner.”
On the other hand, moms may be resentful of dads who sleep in rather than get up to help with the kids. We already know that mothers sleep less than fathers. Back in 2017, science proved it. When you're exhausted from staying up all night with a newborn, it's easy to become resentful when your partner gets more than his fair share of sleep time.
What is harmful to your marriage is also harmful to your children.
These findings are disturbing not only for the impact they have on your partnership but also for the impact they have on your child's development.
“In general, new parents report higher levels of stress, depression, and couple conflict, as well as less sleep, companionship, and romance with their partner,” according to the study.
New parents face a smorgasbord of challenges, including increased stress, sleep deprivation, and decreased romance time with their spouses. “Ironically, it is also the time when children are most vulnerable when their brains and regulatory systems are rapidly developing to set the stage for their functioning for the rest of their lives, and when they are most reliant on parents for consistent affection and support,” Feinberg explained.
So, basically, you're fighting in front of your children (which is already a no-no) at a time when it can have the greatest impact on their overall well-being. There is a significant difference between arguing and fighting. According to some research, allowing children to witness you arguing in a respectful manner can be beneficial. The keywords are: respectful. It teaches them that they can disagree while still loving each other.
Comments