When Life Really Hurts, Focus On The Lesson…Not The Pain
The other day, I came across a wonderful quote by Buddha that said, "If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer." You will continue to grow if you concentrate on the lesson.” It is, without a doubt, the best advice. Let's take a look at why this is the case.
Life can be painful at times. It truly, truly hurts in a soul-crushing way. I believe we've all had moments when we wondered if we were only here to suffer. I know that at those times, hearing someone say, "Look on the bright side," "Think positive," or "Everything happens for a reason" is about the least helpful thing imaginable.
I'm not going to say anything like that to you. Sometimes terrible things happen for no apparent reason. There is no silver lining or positive way to look at it. Instead, I'll give you some advice that has helped me in the past, and which is echoed in the Buddhist quote above focuses on the lesson, not the pain and suffering. That may sound a little trite, so bear with me as I explain.
What does it mean to focus on the lesson rather than the pain?
Focusing on the lesson rather than the suffering does not imply completely ignoring or dismissing your pain. That would be terrible advice because ignoring our feelings or grief never yields positive results. Rather, it entails bringing the lesson to the forefront.
Let me demonstrate with a diagram. Assume that everything in the image above represents a difficult time in your life. The clouds, the ocean, and the cliffs are all a part of your anguish. The lighthouse, on the other hand, represents the lesson you've learned.
Take another look. Your pain, like the ocean, mountains, and everything else, is still there. However, by shifting your gaze just so, you can blur out almost everything except the lesson, making it the true focus of your attention. You're not dismissing the rest of the picture. You can clearly see that it's still there, waiting for you to shift your gaze and take it all in.
For the time being, you've chosen to focus on the one thing that can help you move through the pain and grow. Hmmm, similar to how a lighthouse guides you through the night. I swear it's a happy coincidence; I didn't even consider it when I chose the photo.
Our experiences shape who we become.
Another quote that I really like describes how life's lessons shape us. I'm not sure who said it, but it goes something like this: "You're so hard on yourself." Take a breather. Take a seat. Admire your life, the grief that softened you, the heartache that wished you, the suffering that fortified you. Despite everything, you will continue to develop. Be proud of yourself.``
We are made up of the sum of our experiences. Every single moment since the day you were born until now has contributed to the person you've become, and you're not even done yet. Life will throw something new at you today. Of course, I hope it's something amazing, but even if it isn't, you'll learn something from it, and it will shape who you are tomorrow.
When you only think about your feelings, you miss out on opportunities to grow.
When you only consider how an experience makes you feel – whether joyous or sad – you miss the bigger picture. You're denying yourself the opportunity to grow, to keep moving, to progress on this epic journey we call life. You are effectively frozen in time.
Consider life to be a road trip. If you get a flat tire while driving and don't have a spare. You have three options. First, you can contact AAA, have it repaired, and then proceed. Second, you can sit on the side of the road for a few hours crying, then get it fixed and return home because the entire trip has been ruined for you. Finally, you can express your displeasure with this unfortunate turn of events, get the tire repaired, and purchase a spare. Then you get back in your car and drive away.
A positive, upbeat person would do the first thing. The second is a negative person who believes that "the glass is always half-empty." A SMART and well-adjusted person, on the other hand, does the third.
They give themselves a few moments to simply feel their emotions. Then they concentrate on the lesson and use it to ensure that they never find themselves in that situation again.
It's fine if you need a break before returning to the lesson.
Plato (or, at least, it's attributed to Plato, but no one knows for sure) once said, "Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow." Our progress can be slow at times. Life throws major stumbling blocks our way, and we must pause for a moment before we can focus on the lesson.
That's all right. Take advantage of the opportunity. Recognize your anguish. Give it the time and attention it deserves. Then, fade it into the background. Maintain your focus on the lesson and keep moving forward.
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