7 Ways to Teach Your Kids to Be Friends for Life

A mother's dream is for her children to support and be best friends long after she is gone. That is one of the main reasons why we all have more than one child, so they will have each other when the time comes. Their sibling rivalry, on the other hand, makes us worry that they'll never be able to get along, let alone become best friends. What can we do right now to ensure that they will always be there for one another in the future? Here are seven things you can do while your children are young to teach them to be lifelong friends.

Whether you're just beginning your journey of parenting more than one child or you're already dealing with a serious case of sibling rivalry, these tips will help teach your children to be friends now and as adults.

1. Never compare one child to another (ever, ever, ever).

First and foremost. Never compare one of your children to another. In other words, refrain from saying things like, "Your sister never gets in trouble at school, so why do you?" ” or “How come you can't be more like Susie? She always cleans her room.”

Even if you don't mean to, comparing your children to one another gives the impression that you have a favorite. That, more than anything else, breeds resentment and creates a schism between your children that can last well into their adulthood.

2. Encourage their shared interests...

The ellipses indicate that this is a two-part tip. First and foremost, mutual interests should be encouraged. Start a family book club if Tommy and Susie both enjoy science fiction stories. If they both enjoy hiking, plan weekly (or even monthly, if time is limited) family hikes to a nearby trail.

Basically, make sure they have the opportunity to share their common interests. You're not only providing them with something they can do together now, but you're also creating lasting memories for them to reflect on later.

3....but also teach your children that it is acceptable to have "nothing in common."

Of course, there are times when children have no shared interests. Perhaps one of your daughters prefers princesses and pink dresses, while the other prefers scary books and fashion advice from Wednesday Addams. Perhaps they are interested in different sports. My daughter enjoys gymnastics, and my son enjoys tennis.

Teach your children that it is perfectly acceptable to have "nothing in common." Some of the best friendships are formed by two people who are diametrically opposed. Encourage your children to cheer each other on, even if they have no idea what the term "love" in tennis means or what a "front handspring" is.

Remind them that, even if they don't seem to have anything in common, they do have one thing in common: you! That brings us to...

4. Allow them to "gang up" on you!

Don't kids love to gang up on their parents? Even two children who hardly ever speak to one another make excellent conspirators. While it's annoying to hear a chorus of "please, please, please" after you've already said "no," the act of ganging up on you is actually a fantastic bonding experience for kids.

Here's the part you might not like: let them succeed occasionally (as long as it's safe). Yes, even if you've already said "no" to their insistent request. It's worth it to give up a few "parenting consistency" points to let them win. They will feel as if they have accomplished something together that they could not have done on their own.

Furthermore, allowing children (all children) to win arguments from time to time helps them develop good negotiating skills later in life.

5. Eat as a family as often as possible.

You're probably aware that studies show that eating together as a family at least four times a week helps children succeed as adults. It's also a great way to teach your children to be lifelong friends. Even kids who don't spend much time together the rest of the day have a chance to catch up and learn more about each other's interests during those meals.

In fact, these family meals are especially important for fostering a bond between two children who have little in common. During the rest of the day, they can frequently feel like tiny roommates sharing the same space and set of parents. Family meals make them feel more like a family.

6. Never pick aside.

Even if you do everything else, your children will argue from time to time. It happens even among the closest of friends! Just as it is critical to avoid making comparisons, it is critical to avoid taking sides (unless one child literally just bonked the other on his head with a firetruck or something, of course).

Most of the time, your job as a parent is to remain an impartial mediator rather than to decide which child is correct. As I previously stated, if one kid hit the other for no other reason than the fact that he was present, you'll have to take sides. However, if they're just arguing about which cartoon is the coolest (a debate that can get unusually heated), pay close attention to the next tip.

7. Try to stay out of disagreements as much as possible.

When you see your children fighting, I know you want to intervene and make things better, but you may end up doing more harm than good. “Kids fight and get over it in minutes,” a friend once told me. When their parents intervene, they end up hating each other for months.” She was referring to two children and parents from different families, but the sentiment is still applicable to siblings.

Basically, stay out of it unless you see blood flying (or about to fly) and wait to see what happens. Your children may engage in a ferocious screaming match over cartoons and stomp off into different rooms. Three minutes later, they're back to acting like best friends. However, if you get involved, the fight continues.

There are discussions about feelings, forced apologies, and resentment because one child believes you sided with the other. Then they're irritated because their precious free time has been taken up with discussions about feelings, apologies, and resentment, which leads to even more resentment. You get the idea.

A fight that should have been resolved in minutes has now taken the entire day.

So, as I previously stated, unless one child has injured or is about to injure the other, stay out of it and watch how it plays out.

There are a few common threads among these methods for teaching your children to be lifelong friends. They teach your children to find shared interests while also accepting that opposites sometimes attract. They assist them in creating memories from which they can draw as adults. Most importantly, they teach children that they are completely capable of resolving their own problems together.

That is critical for the day when you are unable to solve their problems.

If you're worried that your children will never like each other, here's something to cheer you up. I used to have a lot of fights with my sister when I was younger! But now we're the best of friends!

Read next: Top 8 Reasons Why You Need To Eat Fruit